Follow your heart
by EonaDGM
Summary: The conversation with Mildred goes deeper under Dean's skin than he suspected. She tries to give him hope. Follow your heart. It sounds so easy and is still so diffcult. Coda to 11x11; talk about Destiel (though Cas doesn't make an actual appearance)


**Hello everyone,**

 **back with another season 11 coda. Episode 11 this time.**

 **Each of my codas up until now could have fit perfectly into canon, but here I'm playing with it a bit.**

 **Disclaimer: Destiel would have become canon long ago if I owned SPN.**

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„When is the last time you just sat down to watch a sunset without waiting for something to go bump in the night?"

Mildred's question takes Dean off guard. When he wracks his brain he honestly can't remember. It has been too long, too much shit happened in between. So he just smiles a sad smile and gives a minute head-shake. He wishes he would have time to just sit down and watch it at some point. Outside of the bunker maybe with Sam, buried in a book next to him. And Cas. Cas who has been absent for too long these days. But there is no use dwelling on these thoughts again now.

"You should try it some time," she adds with an understanding smile.

He can only make a sound in agreement. He hears Sam and Eileen leave the room to finish their preparations for the banshee while he reassures Mildred that the plan is actually going to work. Somehow their talk comes to the woman's former profession. And when Dean hears that she lived a lot on the road just like Sam and him (minus the constant threat of death that comes with hunting) he can't help but ask whether she misses that life. Judging by her answer though even someone like them might one day have a chance for peace and settling down. It brings him an odd sort of relief and his thoughts drift back to his makeshift family for a minute before Mildred's voice once again breaks his train of thought.

"You wanna know the secret to living a long and happy life?"

And for another time her question draws him up short. He gives a short breath.

"Actually yes, I do."

Who wouldn't? No matter how much he would probably miss hunting if he quit (the year with Lisa and Ben was enough proof of that) he does long for some peace and happiness. Desperately. A small but persistent voice in the back of his head reminds him that he might find happiness relatively easily if he would stop being so stubborn, but he shuts it off. Mildred smiles and extends a hand to pat his chest.

"Follow your heart," she smiles, "You do that and all the rest just figures itself out."

He can't help a small, unbelieving sound as he turns away from her but she just smiles and nods in his peripheral vision.

"It sounds so simple," is past his lips before he even realises that he has said his thoughts out loud.

Mildred chuckles, "It does. And it really is not that difficult. Sure, following your heart might not be the easy way but it is how you will become the happiest."

"Yeah," he snorts, "As if that would really work."

"Oh, believe me. I lived it," she pats his chest again, "Since we have the time now. How about you tell me where your heart lies."

"Not with you I'm afraid," he covers his pain up with humour as usual.

"I know that," she grins, "I knew from the start."

"What?" he frowns surprised.

"I always knew that your heart was somewhere else," she repeats and at his confused look she pats his leg with a cheeky smile, "If I learned one thing in all my years on the road it's when somebody's pining for somebody else."

He doesn't even have an answer for that so it's for Mildred to carry on, still the grin on, "Well, I don't know who the lucky lady is, but I sure as hell am jealous."

A painful twinge shoots through Dean at her words. Because instead of the mentioned lady what flashes through his mind are blue eyes he hasn't seen in far too long. He snorts. A quick look over his shoulder assure him that his brother still hasn't returned. Mildred on the other hand has changed her expression to a frown.

"Something wrong with your lady? She's not… dead, is she?" her eyes are sympathetic now.

"Dead?" Dean snort again, then runs a hand over his face, "No, nothing like that. It's just…" a sad chuckle escapes his throat, "For one, it's not a lady."

"Not?" the grin has returned to Mildred's face, "Another gentleman then. Don't worry, I don't judge," she rubs his shoulder, "So where is the problem then? He's not homophobic, is he?"

The hunter snorts again, not able to imagine Cas being against anything except demons and other human-killing creatures which unfortunately includes his own kin often enough. And he doubts sexual orientation is of any importance to an angel who doesn't have a gender to begin with.

"No, that's not it. I'm pretty sure, he is entirely indifferent to that," he shakes his head, "He just… He doesn't feel the same way."

"How would you know?" Mildred urges, "Have you asked him?"

"No, but…"

How could Cas feel the same? He's an angel, do they even feel? He's pretty sure that Cas does, but love is most likely too far off the reservation. Not to mention for Dean. How could an angel of the lord love a dirty human like him. Dean has fucked up so many things in his life, especially when it comes to Cas himself. In an effort to push the angel away and protect himself from the feelings that go too deep, he has only hurt the other. And now he hasn't seen Cas for days. The angel has probably realised that it is better to stay away from the brothers, especially Dean.

"He couldn't," he answers the woman instead.

She just shakes her head, smiling brightly, "You will never know unless you ask him. You might just be surprised. Don't be shy. Like I said, everything will turn out right if you follow your heart. And if this man is what your heart wants than he is the one who can give you the happiness you desire."

Luckily or unfortunately, depending on how you view the situation, before Dean can reply the door opens and Sam and Eileen return to discuss the last steps of their plan. And then the banshee attacks and Dean is too busy banging his head against the wall to think much more about his talk with the older woman.

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The next day when the banshee is defeated and the brothers are leaving to return to the bunker, Mildred accompanies Dean outside while Sam is talking to the other hunter. She has an arm slung through his and is smiling up at him.

"So remember. Follow your heart and it will sort itself out, I promise," she repeats but the hunter only pulls a grimace.

"Like I said, it's not that easy."

"It can be, if you just ask him. I mean, how could someone not love you," she grins, "Gorgeous in- and outside."

He twitches when her hand runs down his arm, "You don't really know me, lady. Believe me."

"But he does from what I gathered yesterday. And still he stays by your side, correct?" it earns her a reluctant nod, "So that has to mean something. Believe in your heart. It will work out."

He snorts again but doesn't really reply. So when he sees Sam nod at him from the Impala, he detaches the woman's arm, "I have to get going now."

"Of course you do," she smiles, "Then take care and don't get into trouble."

"Not a chance," he laughs and makes one step away.

"True that. Nonetheless, remember my advice," she repeats.

He only nods then waves goodbye and gets into his car together with Sam.

"So what did you two talk about?" his brother asks curiously after a few minutes on the road, "Setting up a date for your next meeting?"

"Of course not," Dean glares at him, "It was nothing."

"Sure," the brunette snorts, but turns back to his tablet nonetheless, knowing he won't get an answer from his brother no matter what he tries.

Silence settles over the car again. It's both pleasant and unpleasant for Dean. For one there is no annoying questions from a noisy brother. But on the other hand that gives him way too much time left to only his thoughts. Mildred's words spook around his head constantly. Follow your heart sounds so easy. But so much as asking Cas what he might feel sounds like a momentous hurdle.

Not to mention that the angel is mostly absent these days. The last time Dean saw him, he confessed his attraction to Amara. Great going, that's a step in the exact opposite direction. At the beginning he didn't even want to meet Cas' eyes until he was forced to. Not that he could keep his eyes from running over their angel. He looked so different at that time. No baggy trench coat, not even the suit jacket. How could his gaze not stray at the chance to see more of his angel. He coughs as those thoughts invade his mind once again. That is definitively no way to think about an angel of the lord. It earns him a strange look from his brother but the other stays thankfully silent.

Maybe one day he will have the courage to tell Cas. One day when there is no Amara, no apocalypse, when Cas is not playing MIA. One day he will maybe follow his heart.

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 **That's it. Thanks for reading.**

 **The other two codas are 'Shared concern' (11x12) and 'I know this pain' (11x17), if anyone is interested.  
** **Hope you liked it and see you some other time.**

 **Reviews please ^^**


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